no contact is needed if the break up was sudden and unexpected. But the aim is to get to the point where you could honestly take it or leave it. Like pretty much everyone on this sub, I’ve read a lot over the years but one comment I read really stuck in my mind, though doesn’t mean I’ve taken the advice :-S Something along the lines of... ‘When it comes to relationships, you need your heart and your head to be on the same page. The more you push your ex out of your mind, the more you will be able to forget about her and the less emotional you will get when you do think about her. When the time is right, dating others should also help you get her off your mind. My current ex is a much better person so I’m open to reconciliation. We had tried staying “friends” after he ended the relationship. He or she will likely contact you when all negative post-breakup emotions run off. Any other ridiculous way, such as using the limited no contact rule is almost never a good idea. One of the biggest accomplishments i did since the breakup was to loose about 20 Kg and going to the gym at least 2 times a week – also building muscle and changing my appearance overall. Is opposite of the majority that I’ve read on this sub, in that I get ‘frozen’ when he goes downwards. but its tough. That’s because you can’t force your way back into your ex’s heart in an angry or cold demeanor, by crying, apologizing, pretending to be happy, or by using any other full-contact strategy. If you want to call it unbelievably strong love that binds you and your ex together when he or she comes back after 6 months or a year, that’s completely fine by me. No contact after a breakup is indefinite – forever. What happened? He agreed and was friendly in his responses. Apart from that she gave no specific reason..in fact she giving reasons to stay (I’m her best friend, done more for her than anybody etc). You can't let new energy in. And since dumpees are often depressed and desperate for reconciliation, they are usually those people. During the no contact period, you’re allowing the toxicity of the breakup time to naturally work its way out of your body. I said I cant write and he asked till when so I said 2 weeks. This is the first time I am seeing the depression side of his illness. I assume I go into NC again? My advice for you guys in a breakup situation is to go no contact and stay there! You don’t need to remind your ex that you’re still ready to talk. You don’t have the right to do that anyway. Remind yourself that your ex is not the one for you otherwise she would not have let go of you and that someone else will be better suited for you. 03/07/2016 02:48 pm ET Updated Mar 07, 2017 At age 29, I was diagnosed as bi-polar. I love and hate with an intensity beyond my comprehension. Whether the dumper contacts the dumpee usually depends on two things: The power of no contact after a breakup works mysteriously. What if you told your ex you’re doing no contact? As a breakup coach who has been helping people get their loved ones back for years, I know how powerful No Contact can be. Now he’s come out of hiding and apologized for being distant and just said he was dealing with alot but is feeling better and hopes we could meet for coffee or a drink. Get out and look for people who value you. You mustn’t break no contact at any cost! Follow it even if you think you “messed up badly,” because if you don’t, you will probably be told to take a hike, which will push your ex further away. Less thinking about her = less nostalgic emotions which means better recovery. Trust the process of no contact with your recovery by focusing on letting go of your past relationship which is holding you back. my first serious gf and I dated while we were in university and things went well and I fell madly in love in her. Again, don’t let it’s simplicity fool you. Believe it too! Oftentimes, dumpees get treated horribly prior to the breakup and sometimes even after, but they still want their dumpers back. The first and most crucial step to getting your ex back is No Contact! For you to get to an exhilarated state, you must, however, become self-aware of your recovery and want to feel better, too. If we break up because of one of these fights alot of times I convince myself it was my fault and go back and apologize. I honestly thought he was going to propose to me. And while you’re at it, think of your past relationship as an opportunity to extract all valuable lessons from it. Like sweetnothing above me, am sorry I have no definitive answer, there isn’t one but sympathy, understanding and internet hugs.... it really is a shitty situation. Honesty, I feel like time is the answer here. You’ve likely tried doing that already, so get rid of the “I have to do something or my ex will move on” mentality. You might see some signs that your ex still loves you, but more often than not, you will receive very few if any at all. Nothing works as great as thinking about your own shortcomings and wanting to change for the better. Welcome to the ultimate Guide in understanding how to use the No Contact Rule after a breakup. I’ll think of more and better ways to let go of an ex and lose hope in the upcoming article. On the day of the breakup when the dumper breaks up with the dumpee, he or she doesn’t want his or her ex back. This sub is a place that people can come for advice or just to vent so that we do not affect our significant others with our emotions. The power of no contact after a breakup is so incredible, it guarantees the the best possible outcome for the dumpee. The power of no contact after a breakup is the most effective when it’s done the right way—the indefinite no contact way. Eventually, you will no longer depend on him or her for your validation and will, as a matter of fact—feel great without your ex. Although no contact works slowly, exes come running back fast. Wtf? I really appreciate your answer and I do agree with a lot of what you said. This is one of the biggest reasons why dumpers sometimes come running back during no contact. So he has not sought treatment because he doesn’t not like it, although he is diagnosed. This website uses cookies to enhance your browsing experience. False hope will only delay your recovery by ruining your health and possibly, even empower your ex. Put down reasons why your ex could never make you happy and look at it whenever you feel hopeful. It is not a tool for punishing your ex, nor should it be used solely with the aim of getting back together. It makes perfect sense that humans are the happiest when they upgrade their lives from something bad to better. Good right? I wish he was shure or that he said he doesnt love me, think I would recover much faster. Morgan, appreciate your helpful reply. After I divorced my ex wife for her serial cheating I lost 50 pounds and doubled my income after going back to school. Are you wondering why your ex hasn't called you? Sadly, he is also bipolar level two and stopped taking his medication a few months ago, which led to more fights and eventually led him to break up with me a couple of weeks ago. I desperately want to contact him and ask if we could just talk, because I honestly don’t know what we are supposed to be right now. Hey everyone. It’s a healthy way of dealing with a break-up. I still have days of wanting it, after nearly 5 months. I will definitely write an article about losing hope soon. how happy the dumper is with his or her new partner/life, hinting that his or her rebound relationship has ended, posting sad, nostalgic or regretful quotes on Facebook, changing his or her profile picture to your favorite band, telling your friends that he or she misses you. Basically, she says she still cares about me…..but as a friend. Have you been following the No Contact Rule? Add alcohol and pot and it was a totally different personality. We don’t want them because they are truly the best for us. I have read a few situations similar to mine in this subreddit, but the contradicting advice is really weighing on me. Answer: No contact is about wiping the slate clean so that you can forget about your initial reaction to the breakup. From irrationally spending money and his other confessions, I want to believe that he is experiencing a manic episode and that this breakup is not “real”. She was power tripping and really full of herself and my self esteem was shattered and I groveled What goes around comes around. Some friends have said to keep it to make him “jealous” - make him aware of what he’s missing. The power of no contact after a breakup is so incredible, it always creates the best possible outcome for the dumpee. The power of no contact after a breakup heals all wounds. And then, after a three year relationship, he randomly just breaks up with me over the phone. New comments cannot be posted and votes cannot be cast. Of renewed hope and some positive light at the moment very hard withdraw symptoms from this a... They somehow cheer her up really appreciate your answer and I have heard from him and I do with..., yet that is what he ’ bipolar breakup no contact awareness little by little—one day at a time the.... Option even if you told your ex back right now, but the aim is to plan.. Dated while we were taking a break, yet that is what he ’ s terms and shure. 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